The Search for the Perfect Hat…

…and other things that mean next to nothing.

My Rangers cap really went through the ringer this summer. I wore it every single day over in Zambia and that translates to lots of dirt and the ever undesirable sweat ring around the band. But, I like to represent my boys, so the hunt is on for RangersCap v2.0.

The problem is that before I got my teaching job, I worked for a merch company designing baseball caps. Spending eight hours a day studying the nuances of hat design will turn you in to a pretty particular consumer of leisure headwear. So, I know exactly which hat I’m looking for and pretty much nothing else is going to do. It’s a washed cotton, velcro adjustable, unstructured, six-panel, blue/white color block with the 1980’s era logo in 2-D embroidery. That hat would rock, and that hat would sell. Or, at least, it’d sell once…to me. In the meantime, I might just have to settle (and remove that Nike logo with an x-acto knife).

Here’s something else. In friendly games of golf, you usually agree on a number of mulligans before you tee off…one, three, zero, whatever. A mulligan is a do-over. So, you shank a drive, you take your mulligan and hopefully correct your mistake. I’m thinking it would be rad to have mulligans on handshakes and fives. There’ve been many times when I’m greeting or saying goodbye to a buddy and we go for the fiver, but instead of that rock solid “clap” you get before sliding in to the four finger clutch-and-break (snap optional), instead of that, you’re a couple inches off the mark and it’s this lame little tap sound and of course now the transistion is totally ruined. You just sort of look at each other thinking, “Dude, our five just bit. Are we real men?” But, of course, you don’t say that. You just think it.

Or take handshakes (which are every bit as essential to representing yourself in conversation as your conversation itself). Ideally, the curve between your finger and thumb sets firmly in to the curve of the other person, you grip, you shake, you bid adieu. An aside, some people prefer just to stand there squeezing hands, no shake necessary. Some, it’s just a lift once, swift downward motion, squeeze and release. Still others will actually shake your arm up and down over and over again, taking the phrase, “shaking hands” quite literally.

I’m down with all of these. What I am not down with is when the curve between your thumb and finger misses its mark, somehow gets stuck on the other persons knuckle and you’re left squeezing their fingers. That stinks. Because then you’re all in your head, “Does this dude think I don’t know how to frickin’ shake hands? Is it more lame for me to just get through this and leave it alone? Or should I come out and say, ‘Whooaaa. I don’t know what happened there.’ (adjust hand) ‘Ahh…see there, I don’t shake hands like a pre-pubescent after all. *chuckle heartily* Later pal.'”

Oy.

I think the handshakes in “Braveheart” are where it’s at. Instead of grabbing hands, they grabbed each other’s wrist. The question now is whether or not guys in 13th century Scotland ever had the misfortune of missing the entire arm of the other guy. No amount of mulligans will help you recover from that one.

And finally, Shaun, Richard, and I started work on the Fall Garden this morning.


[ click to enlarge ]


[ Me, Richard (who is not that short, he’s standing in a trench) and Shaun ]

5 thoughts on “The Search for the Perfect Hat…”

  1. brian.
    word up on the hat search. earlier this year, I “settled” for the hat you linked to – but the darker, navy version.
    I have yet to exacto the nike logo off, and really, I don’t know that I will.
    I think we need mulligans on hats too, cause that one just ain’t fittin like I thought it did when I dropped $22.50
    Kyndra doesn’t like the way it looks on me, and you just know the hat is next to GONE now. I just can’t wear it in public. (oh, it also fits too well, and causes those almost headaches that some hats surprise you with days after you buy them)

    currently, I sport a plain gray/navy hat with increasingly clear white sweat rings and bronze sweat circles. My hair stinks after 5 minutes in that cap.

    yeah, i’m hunting for a new one too.

    -s.o

  2. My goodness Bri, did it take three big men to did up that garden? I am proud of all of you.

    I haven’t checked the garden plot yet, but the pic looks neat.

    As for the hat, good luck in finding just the right one.

  3. A hat is like a good woman whom you can’t help but falling in love with. Most of the time, if you stop looking, you’ll find that which most appeals to you. …

    My comment to this post can be summed up like this… Don’t force it, just let it happen. In finding the right peice of headgear, shaking hands, and gardening…and if you can’t find it, or if you miss, or if everything dies, don’t think about your failures, just focus on the positive.

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